Ever open up your e-mail and get one of these...
Dear [irresponsible youth pastor],
My child came home from [insert youth activity here] and I was shocked at [the activity my student was forced to participate in/how you handled a certain situation/something you said in front of the students]. You should really consider the consequences of your actions. I'm at a loss for why you would go and do something like this. I believe that an apology to [the student/myself/the congregation/Jesus] is in order.
No matter how awesome you do your job you will get these, and they are usually at the most inopportune times. Besides having the ability to completely emotionally derail you they can also take up a great deal of your time, so here are a few quick tips to hammer out the problem with as little extra drama as possible.
1.) Only read it twice - This is for your benefit and theirs. Most people would tell you not to meddle over the email over and over again, in which I actually agree, but before you respond make sure that you didn't read any details wrong. Nothing will make you look like a bigger idiot than addressing the wrong problem or responding to something that someone didn't even say. After the second read DON'T GO BACK!
2.) Walk away for 15 minutes (that's all) - You need to make sure you don't write a steam filled response, but you also don't want to make the person wait two days. Go take a walk around the church, refill your coffee cup, check your Facebook, or whatever floats your boat as long as you go back to the keyboard less angry than before.
3.) Think honestly, not defensively. - Fess up to the accusation and don't paint a picture that's not true. Admit that the game got out of hand, that a topic went a certain direction, or that you weren't very patient with one of the kids. Share any necessary details that the parent may not have gotten, but don't try to point blame on a particularly rowdy kid or lack of adult volunteers. Of course you should also take caution with your words, but more importantly is that you take responsibility.
4.) Run it by your pastor or volunteers who were present - It's not bad to run your response by a trusted confidant to make sure you are doing the right thing. With using another on-staff church person you know that confidentiality will be kept and they may be able to give you some pointers on where a certain church member may be coming from. If nobody is available to you but you had an adult leader at the event in question you can ask them if you adequately responded to the concern or if there were any details that where left out.
5.) Kill with kindness - To make sure I defuse the bomb as much as possible I always end my response to angry parent emails with a thanks that they brought this to my attention. For extra brownie points I often tell them that I am glad that they have such a great relationship with their child that they can share things with their parent. Of course always make sure you close with an invitation to the parent to contact you with any more questions or concerns.
There you have it. I hope these help you not only resolve your issues with ease but also with speed.
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